Kelvoo's Testimonial by Phil Bailey

Author:Phil Bailey
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: science fiction, sci-fi, first contact, aliens, extraterrestrial, interplanetary, xenofiction
Publisher: Phil Bailey
Published: 2022-06-30T00:00:00+00:00

Twenty-Five: Eyes and Ears

My meeting with the captain was over before 10:00, so I helped with housekeeping. We decided that Kroz’s time could be better spent probing the ship’s systems, so he stayed behind and worked in the corner of our quarters that the room’s camera couldn’t see.

When I cleaned the passageway outside of Spaggy’s quarters, he asked whether I would mind tidying his room. When I was finished, he thanked me.

Spaggy asked me whether I would mind cleaning his dirty laundry. I required his assistance in locating the laundry facilities. He explained how to feed each article of clothing into a hopper on the machine and add cleanser. I learned that clothes were made of a variety of fabrics, and the machine would sense each item’s composition and apply the appropriate concentration of cleaner and temperature. Then Spaggy showed me how to fold or hang each type of item.

While the cleaning machine worked, Spaggy asked me about my planet. I provided some cursory information and then asked him about himself. Spaggy said he was on his third tour with the captain. He had grown up poor but saw a great opportunity with Captain Skully. After the first tour, he was wealthy beyond any measure that he could have imagined, but he didn’t understand why money was so important, and he felt he would be bored living in a mansion with no real adventure.

I appreciated my conversation with Spaggy. It reminded me of all my wonderful interactions with Sam, Captain Staedtler, and the crew of the Pacifica Spirit.

By the next day, word had spread regarding my work for Spaggy. My meeting with the captain was brief and unremarkable. After that our team set out to clean some new areas when crew members started asking us to clean their quarters. I cleaned Snowy’s cabin, and he was appreciative.

Later, Bazz saw me in the passageway. “Hey, kloomer, get over here,” he said. As I approached, Bazz pointed into his cabin. “Clean up that mess, kloomer. I’m gonna be back in an hour, and it better be perfect!”

When I entered the cabin, its contents were in utter disarray, as though Bazz had deliberately strewn things about to make the job more difficult for me.

I had Bazz’s cabin cleaned and organized within forty-eight minutes. I spent the rest of the time cleaning the passageway. Bazz returned five minutes early. “Better be perfect,” he warned. I watched from the doorway as he looked around. He dragged a fingertip across a shelf and examined it for dirt but saw none. The next thing he did was stand in the far corner, drop his pants, and urinate on the floor. “Missed a spot, kloomer,” he said.

I took a cleaning bucket, a brush, and a dry towel, knelt on the floor, and started scrubbing. The odor of human urine was disgusting to me. I made quick work of the cleanup. “That’ll do, kloomer,” he said, just before delivering a kick to my midsection.

“Have I done something to cause you offense?” I asked.

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